the safety ask

is it a valid ask?

Photo by Javardh on Unsplash

searched for safety

for my body

went out looking

in the hills in the valleys

in the streams

in the ancient passageways

maybe beneath the newborn spring buds

buried in the wet soil

but when I asked

when I expressed

to people

what I was looking for

what my need was

what I was searching for

something shut

it was dismissed

ridiculed even

swatted at

like this? really??

this is important??

what are you even saying??

you speak a foreign language

we do not understand

---

my body learned

asking for safety isn't safe

asking isn't ok

asking is quite dangerous

so quiet reigned

no more bothering others

for something this ridiculous

this preposterous

squeeze it inside

the desires

the longing

the wishes

the desperate need

the search for safety

inside my body

pull it in

it isn't safe to put it out there

it's not acceptable

pull it in

build an enclosure for it

lock it up tight

maybe if you do that well enough

it'll dissappear?

maybe it'll understand the fallacy

the wrongness

the mistake

the chutzpah

to want to feel safe in your body

to want to feel like you own it

like the skin on your bones are actually yours

are comfortable being yours

aren't always squeezed so tight

expecting intrusion

---

but it didn't dissappear

it only simmered simmered

from inside the cage

it beat a song

beat beat beat

even though it didn't know

if it'll ever see the light

if the sound waves will ever reach

even my own ears

---

the guards watched over it

they knew if it leaked

if it got expressed

if it spoke those wishes into words

bad stuff will happen

people will get mad

they'll say shut it back inside!

this need

it isn't valid

it's like asking for a kingly feast

like some luxurious 5 star vacation

like diamonds worth millions

this is only earned

you don't get it for free

just because you decided this

it's not possible right now

we cannot listen to it

there are more important things to worry about

like getting actual food and water

air to breathe

a roof over our heads

those are valid things to ask for

---

so it stayed and stayed and stayed

and it continued to beat it's song

in the prison

in the confines of somewhere dark and hidden

locked away

not even the sounds escaped

it was sound proofed

so no crumb should get away

beat beat beat.

a hidden song

a sacred song

a haunting precious song

whispers of truth

of knowing in my bones

in the depth of my beating heart

safety matters

it matters

it matters

so so so much

a reminder to the deepest parts in my system

that it matters

that it should never forget

even when the world says it doesn't

even when it's locked down

beat your song beat your song

pump out the melody

because sometime sometime

it'll be unlocked

you'll sing your song

in the town square

loud and proud

you'll hum the beat

you'll drum it out with gusto

you'll tell them all

that your body's safety requirement

that every single person's need for safety

is on par with a need for food and water and air

is of crucial utmost importance

it doesn't need to be earned

it is a given that it's crucial

in the same way air is

that bodies are not cheap

they are a vessel for our souls

they are holy

worthy of care, respect, honoring

the messages carried by its sensations

not desecration.

not violation

not disassociation

a world that doesn't know that

is a wrong, wrong world

a deeply misguided world

perhaps, a traumatized world

---

you'll let them know

I know you will

keep beating it out

in the silent hum

and vibrations

of the locked up basement

it'll get out sometime

it will

I promise you it will.

Thank you for being here. I may lock this after a little.

If you'd like you can check out my energy grid page where you can find info on what it is and if you'd like to do a reading.

Also I've been doing some gardening this spring which has been super interesting and if you feel like it, you can help buy me some gardening stuff instead of some coffee :)

buymeacoffee.com/chayamattyn