Mothering and Quieting

What if we drowned out the noise, slowed down, and listened?

Photo by Jenna Norman on Unsplash

You're a mom? a dad?

Congrats!

Welcome to this wild wonderful mess

Where you're always second guessing yourself

living in fear of passing down trauma trying your best to raise your kids in a world that tells you you're doing everything wrong

Trying to raise them in the "right" way

But what IS the rights way??

What if the right way doesn't actually exist??

What if we stopped for a moment and shut out all that noise

That tells us precisely how to be the "best" parent?

What if all that noise doesn't actually make us a better parent?

What if all that noise makes us a fearful parent?

A parent who's afraid of every act, every word, every facial expression eben every feeling

So determined to get it right

Society has come a long way

In recognizing that children need to be seen, heard, witnessed, experienced, held

Some might still feel like the reminders resonate

And sometimes it does

But what if in our quest to raise

Healthy kind confident children

We've lost ourself?

We've beat ourself down

Knocked ourself for being

too harsh

Too soft

Too demanding

Too gentle

Too overbearing

Too hands off

Too too too too

What if we were enough?

What if we were more then enough?

What if we were the exact parent our child needed to have

With all our flaws

And all our wonderfulness we bring to the table

We hear that all the time

But what if we really believed that deeply?

What if we recognized that we didn't need to change ourself

Or fix ourself

To be worthy of the title "good mom / good dad"

I mean what even is"good"?

Were all just trying to figure out this weird thing together

Sure, take a class read a book

If it feels right for you

But when all the shoulds and shouldn't start to take over your life

Your head

The time you spend together

With your little or big wonders

Maybe it's time to slooooooowww

It down

Quiet the noise

Unfollow the people who contribute to all that noise

Close the book

shut the podcast

And find some quiet inside

Find some rest

Find a space

Where you can actually BE

In motherhood (or fatherhood)

Where you can experience it in all it's glory

Without being hounded

By all those loud voices

The voices mean well

They do

But it's time to give them a break

Or to close the door

What if when we slowed down

And quieted the noise

The answers we were looking for

Actually come to us?

In the silence

In the being with our own self

In the noticing of our breath

In the feeling of our body wrapped around us

What if it's in there that the wisdom lies?

The answers to our parenting dillemas?

What if in this age of information

We've allowed ourself to be stripped from the most important information

The information that rests inside of us

The jewels the pearls the warm cozy sweaters

the prisms of wisdom

That help us continue our path

In this strange thing of parenthood

What if we reclaimed that information

We prioritized that information

Over any external information

We said

Tell me more

I'm here now

I want to hear more from you

I've been gone for so long

The voices were loud and threatening

They said if you don't listen to me

It's because you really don't care to be a good parent

You don't care about your children

You're selfish

You must want to continue in your bad ways

You're not interested in growth

What if you called them out as they are

You said stop

No

No

No

That's just guilt

Me wanting to listen to the wisdom that's inside

Is actually the most beautiful incredible thing for me AND my children

We can make this parenting joyful and fun and magical

and yes it'll also be painful and difficult and heartwrenching

Because that's how life is

But layering it with fear and guilt and shame

Makes for a miserable miserable ride

A ride where we're always looking over our shoulder

Is this ok?

Am I ok?

Are my children gonna be ok?

Did I do it right? Wrong?

What are the rules here?

How do I compare to others?

Wow I just traumatized them for life

Surely they'll sit in the therapists office till the end of their days rubbing those wounds

Hmmmm

Slow

Slow

Slow it down

Lower the volume

Quiet

Soft

Feel

Turn it up when you feel like it

When the voice inside says

Hmmm I can use some guidance here

But I want guidance that's kind and compassionate

Guidance that honors me as a full human being

With hopes dreams likes dislikes

Needs and wants

not just a parent

But a full human being

That is also a parent

Indeed a special precious huge role

Yet still a part of a bigger world

Not the guidance that wraps everything in fear.

In dire warnings

In guilt

In making you feel so utterly terrifyingly small

And incompetent and simply awful

Not that guidance

Nope

I'll trust that voice inside to tell me if the guidance feels good

Sits right

I'll trust it

Trust it

Trust it

And perhaps that's the greatest lesson I can teach my children?

Trust that voice

Trust it deeply

Cultivate a relationship

It has the most beautiful heart stopping wise things to say

Listen

Listen deeply

Drown out the noise.

Breathe

Sink into your body

And listen

And what better way to teach that then

By doing that

Stopping to listen

Listen

Listen

Slow

Slower

Even slower

I can hear it now

Can  you?

Thank you for reading this. This piece is deeply felt for me since I wrestle a lot with all those million voices and the chaos they create. If you can share with a parent that might want to hear this I'd appreciate it. Thank you for being here 🙏 Your voice is important.