lets take it slow
real slow
real real slow
is it ok to take it slow?
take things slow
slower yet
to wait and see
wait and see
i like to wait and see
Things take me time
lots and lots and lots of time
to wade through all the things sitting on my head
to even try to get them out of my head
and to speak it into words
or to type it into letters on a screen
I can gun them down
I can drill through them
I can skip over them
or pretend they’re not there
but I know that never works in the long run
instead they sit and gather and gather and gather
until they’re so big and full and heavy
I crumble under their weight
I need to wade through it
carefully
tenderly
haltingly
watching for safety
waiting for the time to be ripe and ready
but the people got no time!
go, they say go!
you gotta go!
Decide!
Take action!
Yes or no!
What’s this procrastination
this hesitation
wishy washy business?
you think we have time???
but I cannot help them
I need the time
I need to carefully work through every concern
Every last teeny tiny itty bitty thing
I need to speak or write it into existence
I cannot jump over it
Otherwise I walk with a heavy, heavy load
the things not addressed
the feelings not taken into account
the sense that, once again
I left me at the door
I know the reprecussions of that
of walking ahead of my Self
I need to lighten my load before I go
and that takes time
it takes time
it takes patience
it takes presence
I know it’s inconvenient
but this is the reality
If you want to work with me
if you want to walk beside me
if you want my companionship
you’ll need to go slow
very very slow
you’ll need to have patience
to pause
to stop
to rest
so I can take stock
make sure my heart is still with me
that I haven’t left myself behind
alone
forgotten
like a burden to heavy to wait for
in my rush to do what they want
if you decide to walk fast
because that’s how you like things
that’s ok
but for now I need to go slow
Perhaps I always will?
I don’t know
maybe I'll get better at feeling into what I need
maybe it’ll be easier the more I keep doing it
maybe it’ll feel less frightneing and more natural
maybe
but for now I need to go slow
and maybe i can stop apologizing for that
maybe I can stop feeling guilty and less than
I go slow
I unpack
I unload
maybe I can go slow
and heal the times I needed to do fast
maybe slowing is a correction
for the times I felt rushed
not allowed to take my time
compelled to override
my need for more time
more space
more consideration
more expression
more clearing of all the stuff inside me
now I’m big (look at me :))
and I can say
I need time
I need time
I need lots and lots of time
I need to work through stuff
I need to tease through what exactly do I want?
What exactly do I feel?
and if you don’t have time to wait
it’s ok
I won’t be insulted
if you walk ahead
even though I’d love for you to stay
but I cannot rush myself
I’ll wait for me
I’ll keep waiting for me
I won’t leave myself behind
I need the time
and that’s ok with me
Is that ok with you?
Thanks for being here!