Give and take

Relationships should be give and take

Right?

But what if this give and take doesn't  actually look the way we think it does

What if giving can mean giving space

For the other to sort out things

What if taking can mean

Knowing there's someone who cares

What if we dropped the words give and take and just asked

How does this feel for me right now?

Am I feeling like I need to stop honoring mgself to continue the relationship?

Can I put my needs first and have the relationship accommodate that in a way that feels comfortable and right for both parties?

And can we realize that that's not a selfish thing

That's actually the best thing for the relationship

When you feel you can show up exactly as you are

And you prioritize your comfort you are more free to go deeper

To explore fascinating depths and insights and bounce off each other

As you make your way through this life

If you sacrifice your self and your needs then you need to constantly be on alert to protect yourself

Because how much of myself will I need to give up here?

How much of myself will need to feel forsaken to be a part of this relationship?

You gotta be in protection mode

Cuz otherwise who will?

You cannot let down your guard

That'll just be an opportunity where you will be used, hurt, manipulated

So what if the way to really deep loving relationships is to actually to be "selfish"

To say here are my needs

Here's what's important for me

I need space

I need time

And then to give the same to the other person.

You need space

You need time

OK of course

And when we would like something from each other

Or they would like something from us

we can feel if it feels ok if it feels aligned

If it feels ripe

And if it does

Then we can offer and receive with a full heart

We have this strange belief about friendship that it means sacrificing our actual selves

Hiding and deleting parts that the other person wouldn't like

When wouldn't it make sense that a friendship should try to honor the fullness of you?

There's no need for people to sacrifice

Because this actually IS the relationship

Me caring about your experience of the relationship

And you caring about mine

The relationship isn't

"buying gifts"

"talking on the phone"

"going shopping together"

Surely those  can be done as well

If it feels comfortable for both parties

The heart of it is we both can have an experience where we allow each other to be fully ourself

Cuz if I expect you to sacrifice a part of you for me

That hurts the relationship

To me a deep relationship is one that allows for flow

for going deeper

for 2 human beings to continue to be their full selves

In all their colors

Dark and light

And rain and clouds and sun

In a way that feels right